id be glad to
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
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I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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