yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
