I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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