My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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