Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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