Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
a search helicopter?!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
