i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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