Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
