apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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