is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
