Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
