so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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