If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
