I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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