he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
