I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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