Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
