38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
