Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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