then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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