the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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