as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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