I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
