i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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