I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Randomize
