we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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