I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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