Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
