hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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