I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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