i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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