Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
