I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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