i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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