Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
