the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
