I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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