also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
