All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
