oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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