She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
