I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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