i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Jerry, you need to find god
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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