I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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