he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
