Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
