I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
