My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
