wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
