If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
