when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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