If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
