I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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