so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
