just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
