he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
