the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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