I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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