Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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