He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
