He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
