big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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