If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
