she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
